Hello everyone ♥
It feels so strange that it’s almost been six months since I went to Poland to challenge my mind and body. In a way, it seems as though only half that amount of time has passed. The summer had already started replacing the spring when I got back to Texas in mid-March, and since then the days have just blurred together.
Looking back at the freezing alpine forest and pool that we all swam in is like looking into another world, especially now when the temps are around 100F/38C.
We all got into buses and drove closer to the waterfall, then hiked a short way on a footpath. When we got there Wim was greeting everybody one-by-one, singing loudly and dressed like a shaman. This was the moment when we were going to properly meet him! When I had my turn, I ran up to him and hugged him like an old friend. Even writing this now makes all the emotions swell inside me. He helped me back into the light.
After everyone in my team met Wim, it was our turn to go into the ice cold pool. I was so excited to go into the water, but as soon as I had to start removing my clothes and really felt the cold, I went into a state of extreme-focus. It took all of my mental energy to keep my inner fire lit and keep it radiating from my core.
The pool felt much colder than the ice baths we took near the hotel because the water was moving and there was a bit of swimming involved. I’m actually at a loss for words to describe how cold it was. Not to sound dramatic, but it was a pain and a cold like I never could have imagined. My face in the photo below is really embarrassing haha, but it shows what I can’t fully describe!
Actually, after we got back to the hotel one of my instructors, Belinda, said to me that she was only moments away from peeling off her clothes and going in to get me because I was so distressed! 😅
In the water, there was a clear moment when a shift happened within me. Within the space of a breath I went from hyperventilating to slow, controlled breaths. My shoulders immediately dropped, my muscles unclenched. The water was exactly the same as it was when I went in, only I harnessed my inner strength and let the cold strengthen me further.
It was such a memorable moment that I’ll always cherish. We were allowed to do a head dunk before getting out, and it was so incredibly refreshing. The blood and energy was rushing through me like the waterfall. It was freezing cold but being in the wild nature made it such a magical experience. When I finally relaxed in the water I realized Wim was up on the ledge drumming with his musicians; I looked up at him and we smiled at each other, and I gave him a thumbs up!
I will mention though, having to get changed out of my swimwear in front of dozens of people was scary. I felt panicked when I realized I would have to get completely naked in front of everyone after the swim. Belinda tried to find a separate spot for the handful of women in our team to change, but it was no less exposed than the other areas. There was lots of activity going on everywhere and I’m sure most people didn’t care about seeing a naked person, but that was pushing me a little too far out of my comfort zone. I was being challenged both physically and mentally as I overcame my fears.
This experience showed me how strong I can be if I let myself. The cold helped me alchemise my pain into resilience and I don’t think anything else could have cleansed me the way the ice did. I’m reminded of a line from a song called The Witching Hour by Kerli that goes, “I’m mastering the elements, ‘till nothing can kill me.”
Thank you so much for being here, it means so much to me ♥ This was the most transformative experience of my life and it’s so incredible to be able to share it with you all. Sending lots of love! ♥
